What is Twenty-One?

This past November I finally reached the long-awaited age of 21.

The night I turned 21, I was everywhere else but America. Sitting in an air bnb in the middle of Taipei (Taiwan), I was about ready for bed once midnight hit. But after facetiming my mom, and her being confused as to why I wasn’t out drinking, my two friends and I went on a hunt to find a bar.

It was a Monday night and the city was quiet–all for the KTV (karaoke) bars and locals who didn’t let the work week stop them and were bottles deep in rum.

We finally stumbled into a jazz bar that was dimly lit and reeked of cigarettes. I didn’t quite understand what anyone was saying, but I did understand one very important thing; they had tequila shots.

Sitting on a couch, surrounded by strangers (all but two people), I didn’t feel any older or any different. I could never picture turning 21. Like I can never picture getting married or having kids and all that adult stuff.

I don’t know what the rush is for growing old. Being 21, I still don’t feel any different than how I did when I was 20–besides being able to casually buy too many bottles of wine.

21 is still picking up the pieces of things that broke me from five years ago. 

21 is being comfortable with myself, finally, after years of wanting change.

21 is still building a relationship with myself because it’s taken years for me to realize that it is the most important relationship of them all. 

21 is accepting baggage. Mine or someone else’s. We’re all too old now to not have any.

21 is knowing who is true in your life, and who is temporary, but still treating them with the same kindness.

21 is finally getting a credit card (I know, I know. I’ve been pushing off adult responsibilities for too long.)

21 is gaining back trust, after it’s been broken. Whether that’s friendship, family, or love. The distance doesn’t hurt as much as it did before. 

21 is no longer being scared to test the truth. 

21 is the time to put God first, and me second. 

21 is more than just a boozy drink, but more about building me.

And as far as New Years resolution goes, I just want to continue where I’m at in life. The best gift 2018 has given me is love and security, what more could a gal need.

Happy New Year, and stay after tonight and always!

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