The Charlotte York Diet: Where Are My Pearls?

Hold on, let me finish putting on my pearl earrings before I begin.

Every good day begins with rolling out of bed, padding down the hallway of my NYC apartment (on the Upper East Side, of course), and having a cup of earl grey tea before getting ready for brunch with the girls.

I brush my blonde hair into loose curls that bounce just below my shoulders thinking this is what Charlotte York Goldenblatt would look with lighter locks. After all, I’m sure Elizabeth Taylor went through a phase of blonde hair.

I quickly snap out of a New York-less reality and remember I’m much further down south.

Tackling Carrie Bradshaw was a piece of cake, literally, she eats an insane amount of sweets. I’m a writer myself and I have no problem talking about sex and daydreaming of life in Paris. For Charlotte, however, I have to exchange my Marc Jacob’s for Chanel and shiver at the thought of bjs–maybe check out the vag for the first time, too.

All jokes aside, I’m excited to throw on a sundress for the day. Maybe go to the art museum and pretend I’ve actually learned something from the few art history classes I’ve taken.

As for shoes, Charlotte will do anything for the cutest pair. And I mean anything (cough, cough foot fetish guy season 2 ep 12). But sadly I don’t have a creepo giving me free shoes or a budget large enough for Manolo Blahnik’s. Between sassy mules and Chanel look-a-like espadrilles, I go with the espadrilles.

 

I start my day drooling over cinnamon raisin scones and staring out the window wondering what I can do today to continue my track to a picture-perfect life. Maybe I should plan a date later with my boyfriend and strike up the conversation of kids and marriage though we’ve been together for a little short of a month. Charlotte would be proud, I assume. After all, everyone deserves a happily ever after and true love does exist! I think her favorite hobby is sabotaging first dates with already having their wedding flowers picked out. 

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Image creds to Pinterest

Charlotte was an art curator for a bit knowing all things modern and contemporary art. But the North Carolina Museum of Art currently has a new sound and light exhibit, so I skip looking at the balls of naked dudes in marble to actually enjoy myself.

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Throughout the day I think about the *one* drink I’d be having later, a cosmo most likely, and ponder whether I should convert to Judaism. Though raised Catholic, that wouldn’t go over well. But if Charlotte can give up Christmas, so can I! Time to have my last Christmas in June, or is it July?  

Maybe it’s time to give some relationship advice; as Charlotte, I believe in love at first sight and not taking someone home on the first date. Samantha’s brilliant go with the flow relationship advice just really gets on my old Victorian values nerves! Maybe I should call up a friend, who’s still in college presumably caring more about vodka sodas than marriage, and tell her that you only get two great loves in life—I think she’ll really appreciate it.

I ended my day flipping through a House & Garden Magazine wondering if I could pull off a polo knit sweater off as well as Charlotte. Although I haven’t owned a polo sweater myself since I was twelve, I dive into my closet and discover a polo two-piece. I’d say if Charlotte herself was in her twenties now, she’d rock this no prob. 

 

Time to decide between pretending to be a lawyer married to a bartender, or having a job in public relationships never once in a serious relationship, next. 

 

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